Que faire?

Change of plan.

Going 'to see the queen', er...rather the new baby in London, and that old cutie pie nephew of mine! Spur of the moment decision of course, the tickets can vouch for that haha...but oh all the fun we shall be having! You can't put a price on that.

Mr. jones will be hiking in the Andes with his usual group...shhh...the pack has been infiltrated by some female partners, thus losing its all male charm, tsk-tsk,what can i say, such is the repercussion of getting older! Me, now i can completely understand a trip just with your own gender :-p call me old-fashioned, but it's a whole different kind of fun that merits a chance. Try it!

Of course i would be mixing it up with the chosen other gender pretty soon before i jump on that pond crossing plane next week. One more day before my visit to mr jones; which by the way was also a spur of the moment decision, given how he just visited me this last weekend! But this time the spur was his.

Wow, all of a sudden i feel pensive.

C'est pourquoi, mon amie?

Tu sais.

Oui, je sais. Mais que faire?

I feel like a fish who can't run any more and is about to be reeled in...

Dites-moi

Wow, finished grading two days early, talk about a paradigm shift in my work ideology!

Also, i did a kick-ass job on the french composition course, ah oui, even tho i missed quite a few classes, (going to Paris mid-quarter and nursing mini-me back to health, one after the other), making me think at one point that i was falling behind my standards. Hey what can i say i proved myself wrong! So watch me beam! :-D

Hmm...

Sigh1.

I was supposed to leave country for a few weeks but my travel agent ate my ticket, so now i can't go. Hmm, no worry, you see, i believe in karma, so the man shall pay one way or the other, but malheurusement pour moi now i have to see the inside of a small claims court ...bleugh!

On the plus side, i get to see mr jones before he leaves for his trip to le continent plus bas qu'Etas-Unis...in addition, i can take it easy for a few days before the grinding starts anew. Perhaps ponder here and pick up some unfinished research stuff i pushed off to the back burner (which was subsequently switched off haha eek!) I am also designing a webpage for my new grant, so i am hoping to be very creative this break!

Sigh2.

More than 60% flunked the college algebra course. In that lucky (able?) 40% there were 1 A, 4 Bs, 6 Cs. The A and Bs went to students of a certain race, and I knew it was coming. Nevertheless, this always gives me a pause. And I can't attribute it to good study habits of a certain race, because there were some very hard working students in the 60% that didn't make it. Hmm. Je ne sais pas c'est quoi! Truly it makes no sense, but it's a pattern i see over and over, and as mathematicians we are trained to trust patterns. Patterns repeated lead to rules. Of course in maths it has to be 100% true before it can be called a rule, but allowing some error tolerance for human subjects, this is no short of a rule. So far.

What does it take to be successful in math? Let's analyse. LOL. Sorry, i am just laughing thinking of the upcoming pun, but seriously i think that it's very important that one has an analytical brain, first and foremost. Reflecting on what is done is no less important than the doing part itself. Students who get bogged down in the how part and leaves the why to bite the dust will not succeed. Secondly, knowing a new concept is not enough, one must connect it continuously with the old. It's a language where there is a logical structure, singing out of tune will only make for cacophony. Thirdly, make no assumptions, be creative and cognizing enough to cook from scratch on a blink's notice. It's a fine balancing act. One cannot drop one ball and carry another like it's possible in some other subjects, hehe, no disrespect. Lastly, math is art, not science, let the beauty of its highly abstract nature dazzle you without baffling. :-P C'est comment? Seulement celles qui tombent amoureux de la langue ce savent!

So yeah. Tall order, i know, but if one race can continue to succeed at it then why can't the rest? Tell me?

Mmm

Getting ready to write that final paper in french...so here i am, to get my writing engine going!

My crazy quarter is slowly coming to a semi-halt, still many things to be done, including grading, but that's that. Whine i shall not.

It has been really cold since yesterday, tonight we shall even enjoy some freezing temperature, runaway leaves continue to adorn every street and structure, mountains are graced by unprecedented fresh snow causing merry snow-boarders to call in sick. I am on the phone with my gas company. My goal is simple; i have a desperate need of my fireplace to crackle up those logs (faux, oui, mais c'est ça!) -keep me warm.

Ah, warmth!

Reminds me of our days in Paris. Some day i will sit down and recount, from the food to the places to the people to the man i was with. Someday. When i can breathe free and not have to count the beats.

For now, i will just think and smile.

S, my friend and younger colleague said something interesting the other day, on our usual walk back to the parking lot after a day or work. It's a boon, she said, to not have the blessing of mini me when it comes to mr jones. Makes us that much more appealing. Funny, huh? Now don't ask me what it means. That's what she said, with that trademark wink of hers, that i grew to love.

I wonder.

But no matter what, i am sitting here on a cold afternoon, alone and smiling away. Mmm...

C'est la vie!

Been busy courting life. I tell you, that's one jealous lover! Life, i mean.

Leaves me no time to myself - in particular, to ponder and wonder. So i am looking forward to my upcoming winter vacation, at least school will be closed. hmm. Need to catch up with my research and myself. I suppose mr. december will also give me a pause from being a student.

Well, for the time being.

Ce soir

Tonight is one of such nights when i think we are not gonna make it.

Feeling quite like mr. big the night before his wedding. Lonely, uncertain, perhaps scared of what's ahead.

Sit me down, look me in the eyes and tell me we'll be okay.

Lest i fold.

C'est ici!

Crazy busy errand day.

Won't be here for the next 11 days so trying to wrap things up as best as i can.

I am a bit tired to actually be able to fathom how much fun i am going to have in the next few days! I mean, it's Paris! With mr. jones! Two for two!

Nothing but years and years of history turned into breathtakingly beautiful places, sometime visual, sometime intellectual, mais séduisant également.

And us.

Funny how events turn. My dreams are coming true, un à un.

Autumn rain

Comment allez vous, chers amis?

Alas, blogging feels like a guilty pleasure i am not entitled to any more.

My job and studies have taken me hostage, big time. I wasn't able to let go off of my old grant, (so now i have double the responsibilities), in fall i was elected to many a committees, my new program has launched, so number of advisees exploded, third year french is requiring a lot more time commitment than second year french, en plus my commute time has now doubled. I would ask you to do the math, but this one is convoluted enough to floor even me!

Nevertheless, some things never change. It rained last night. I ought to report that! And it's raining now...

Last saturday i came back from visiting mr jones. At the security check-point the TSA man with the little magnifying glass told me to smile, adding afterwards, "Your boyfriend doesn't want to let you go, huh?"

Do you not want to let me go, mr jones?

Lately i have been only happy, no more clouds in my sky. Going to Paris next week with mr jones, we even bought a bike last time he was here, and he helped me re-learn, so we could bike along the countryside...oh, it happens to be one of my very old dreams... see Claude Monet's place in Giverny, venture into the cafe Hemingway used to pen his gems...

Mr jones, you make me so very happy. Even when you baby me, like when you put my belt though the loops as we were hurrying to make my plane...hmm, you beautiful silly man, how did i ever chance upon you?

Sigh.

Then why do i feel like i am being called, by someone invisible, to a place unknown.

It's just a feeling. But i felt it.

Like the rain, i thought i would just jot it down here.

Darkness

No light dare enter her place.

I said i trust you.

I do. I let go of thoughts that can tear us apart. Nothing stands between you and me. Absolument rien.

But not her. She holds on. To red flags and hidden tears, dropped promises and suppressed sighs.

And we get one step closer to the end.

I try to hold it all within.

Forgive me, but these are not thoughts that can be shared.

Bonjour, tout le monde!

Well, this is the longest i have been away from my blog. Oh the separation was wrenching, lol.

Suffices to say that i was moving in the last two weeks! In fact i still feel like i am, incrementally, moving in. The said move (my 13th) came accompanied by befitting movers from hell- a con of a company and a matching foreman with identity problem (both as a man and as a Muslim). I would quote Freud but that pitiful excuse for a man is not worth my blogging time...er, i mean the foreman, not Freud, hahahaha...

Okay, nice to know my fun-loving side is still batting strong, hopefully it will see me through this unpacking journey. Hmm, i am soooooo tired of lugging around my possessions, i might just run off somewhere next year! Somewhere in Europe. I am overdue for a sabbatical, so yeah. C'est une bonne idée!

Oh, that reminds me, guess who's gracing Paris next month, c'est moi! Oui, et mon petit ami. We are taking off for ten days, already can't contain myself thinking of spending 22 plane hours with mr jones...mmmm...yumm! Shhh...no naughty thoughts you silly!

My upcoming itinerary did cause some turmoil at home, mini me is super mad. If she had magic power she would probably zap mr jones and take his seat to Paris. Aww...i do feel sad that she couldn't go, but have i not earned my right to be happy just for myself, after all i have done for her? Mr jones thinks she will come around, but tell me when? Sigh.

And i miss mr jones. Falling asleep beside him, in particular. Oh and so many other things! I miss his laugh and all the bantering, how i always mess up his do, :-P ...i miss making food while watching my sous-chef (that's his role in my kitchen) help me so earnestly, i miss waiting for him to get home, watching tv wrapped in his embrace (didn't know a 6-ft to 5ft map could be so onto) trying to teach him yoga (Oh, my! That didn't go so well) and him taking the lazy cat (that would be me) out for a walk. I even miss our up and down laundry sessions in that clunky elevator...

:(

Five more days my dear, hold it together.

Here we go again

Came back to find the mountainside burning. The sky is smokey with crazy amber glow, everything is dead still, as if the air has stopped breathing; not a single leaf moves.

But i am in for my big move. My place got sold, and might i add, in just four days.

Oh, well!

I just found out today that my new place offers roaming daddy long legs, completely free of charge. "Don't worry", said my very nice building manager, "they are harmless". Huh? Are you freaking kidding me, when a spider approaches you, it's fear, and not logic that gets summoned. Yup! And oh yeah, in addition i am not to keep my bedroom french door open at night, lest a possum/raccoon takes it as an open invitation. Whoa, i thought i was renting in a hip downtown area, had no idea that playhouses and possums click so well these days!

Sigh.

Guess i should count my blessings, at least i have three more weeks until school starts, so i should have enough time to settle down at my new place, bonding with my new fellow creatures, humans and spiders alike.

Just passing by

Gosh, i have been crazy busy this past week as the research experiments kind of hit a crescendo!

Four more days until i leave mr jones' city. Yeah.

Mr jones liked his crystal ball, or so i presume. He also suspects that it is my experiment to see if he can be a responsible parent. You see, the ball is rather fragile. And round too, like a baby's wobbly big head, hehe.

Hmph, he is always accusing me of being baby-crazy, that mr jones. I am so not! I just love love love babies! Besides, i have had my shot at making foot-print, je pense que it's his turn.

:-)

We do joke about how our baby will be though. A cross between tall and tiny, fair and honey-skin, emerald and brown eyes, wavy and straight hair (that reminds me, i ought to write a post on mr jones and his hair, with title 'Watch the hair!' i tell you, he puts uncle jessie to shame!). And the languages of course, i speak six, including one ancient language and maths (hey i get to count math, it's so a language à mon avis! you are lucky i didn't count music even though i am quite fluent!). Mr jones is learning spanish, so yeah 1.5 for him. Hahahaha, hope he is not reading this! Mr jones thinks he will definitely make the kid learn spanish and my mother tongue. Yeah right, let him learn it first! Although, i have to admit i can't get enough of it when he tries to say some words i taught him in his super cute accent. Yumm!

Okay, hope no one is killed yet by the mush-factor of the paragraph above. Or the last post. Eek!

Well, i gotta go, i have a meeting with my collaborator, and i will somehow have to get in some exercise before that.

O-hm.

Advienne que pourra

Someone's turning 26. I believe i have found the perfect gift.

C'est une boule de cristal. :-P

Ah, if only!

Then again, having a crystal ball at your disposal may not be all that fun it is jotted out to be. Do i wish i had a crystal ball? Hmm. You see, i don't know the answer to that. It's a heck of a responsibility to carry one around.

Oh, but i do wonder.

There are things that i can predict the outcome of and there are things that i can't. Would i mind a peek? Sûrement pas! But catering to my curiosity just ain't possible without tweaking with the balance of the present-future equation.

What's a girl gotta do?

For the last two months or so, mr jones and i have been living, how shall i say this, let's see, to borrow some verbiage here, quite like man and wife. We fall asleep on the same bed, waking up to the same alarm, although i have to say sometimes i would sleep through it, however rarely. I wave him goodbye from my kitchen window as he gets into his bus, on his way to his train and another bus. In the evening we either go out to visit some landmark, or just take a lazy stroll, perhaps shop for groceries, or just stay in and watch movies. Er, we even dare do our laundries together, which happens to be the bête noir for both of us!

There are no rules. Only patterns. :-P

We mostly stay in my flat, sometimes visiting his place for a night. You see the main kitchen is here, chez moi, along with the main chef. Hehe. I didn't know this side of him, but mr jones loves to check out various exotic food, and i love to cook, so the stove-top has been quite busy. Now, even though he laments his lack of chef-ing experience, the man did cook me a great breakfast last saturday, et en plus, nursed me back to monday with some yumm chicken soup when i was feeling under the weather on sunday!

He babies me like a mother would her child, rushing to close the window at the sound of a siren blaring ambulance, lest it wakes up the fitful sleeper, moi. He watches over me like a father, on hilly steps or near approaching strangers on dark roads; holds doors and carries stuff like a caring husband would for sa femme enciente. When we banter, he pulls my leg like a annoying lil bro, but one who doesn't mind when i speak back in little punches. Then turns around and listens to all my problems like a true-blue sis. We partake in debates, be it on serious world issues or (equally serious) Seinfeld facts, disagreeing agreeably as only true friends could.

And then there's of course that part of the relationship, which i am not at liberty to span on here, all i will tell you is that we do not shy away from giving that royal headboard its proper dues. :-P

So yeah, that's us for now. It's been good. The journey. Oh, i daresay we are happy as clams at high water.

What more could i ask for?

But i wouldn't lie, there are days when i yearn to know the destination.

Now, if only i had that crystal ball.

Mark my words

There are no shallow sighs.
...
I wasn't expecting anything
And then you came
I see. And then i came.
I see.

(Do you, really?)

Why wouldn't you meet my folks?
I suppose i would, if we ever get serious.
This isn't serious?
Is it? Not to my knowledge.

(Ah! Elle le voit vraiment!)
...

Can't sleep. Two nights in a row. Thousand dreams.

Waking up to my dad's voice in the other room. He was calling me. But there is no other room. I was making a snack. Asked him if he was hungry. He said he never gets hungry any more. But he will be in the other room just in case.

No sooner than i left, my cool flat was completely re-done in an ugly green rock; mr. jones was continuously picking up things that i forgot at various places.

I put off all the fire that i caught on except the one on my back, for i couldn't reach. No one gave me a hand, but my dad who came back to help me.
...

Oh, i can interpret all of the above in a jiff! But i will only clue you in about the ugly green. Must be all that jade i saw in the museum last evening.

I don't like museums. They remind me of the zoos. Unwilling exhibits presented outside of their natural habitats.

Strategically focused track lighting shining on artifacts stolen from various countries stored and catalogued meticulously in a barren room full of hushed exclamations do nothing for me.

Well, except for giving me nightmares i suppose.

Sorry, folks!

"An assistant professor earning $6,000 per month receives promotion to associate professor, effective at the beginning of the new academic year, and is awarded a salary increase of 8%. The faculty member’s new base salary becomes $6,480. The faculty member’s actual salary during the furlough program would then be reduced by 9.18%, so that the actual monthly salary for the duration of the program would be $5,885.13..."

Tsk-tsk...

I feel sad for all my colleagues who got promoted this year and thus received the coveted and much awaited

rank promotion = financial demotion.

Un pense-bête

Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé ce week-end dernier?

Ma fille me rendait visite ici, quand m. jones est allé pour faire un plongeon en abalone avec son frère, son père et leurs amis. Il m'a rapporté un ormeau très grand et toute l'histoire de la plongée.

J'ai été heuruese le voir.

Mais ma fille me manque beaucoup et je veux retourner chez moi.

Je me suis perdue. Un petit peu.

Like you won't believe

Well, whatdya know, we are in furlough.

Mandatory holidays have been announced along with matching paycuts, student fees have been hiked, classes have been cut, and those that didn't bite the dust will now be shortened by 6 instructional days.

My dept alone cut 25 classes, most upper division classes including my vector analysis class are gone. All because some bloody incompetent fools up at the governor's office couldn't keep their math straight and some parasites otherwise known as greedy irresponsible homeowners bit more than they could chew.

Man, am i miffed!

I hate the world today! It can go to hell.

Carry me home

Today i threw out the roses, for they were tainted with glances impure.

Morning Train

Eek, i have to move, my landlord is selling my place!

I think i might just go ahead and buy a place, although i am terribly afraid of commitment, to things that cannot be moved. Just the bitter taste left in my mouth from my never-ending selling experience of the last two times.

I don't want to grow roots. Wings are all i believe in more and more.

On the other hand, I don't mind having a few sweet vacation homes, er...flats i mean, in various countries that i dig. So far i only have one! Just wait until i become rich and famous. Hmph! Maybe if i change profession, yeah right, like that will ever happen!

Oh man, i hate hate hate moving, why do i have so much stuff!

Sigh.

On the plus side, i am loving my summer life. Aside from mr jones it includes my cool flat, colorful people, lots of walking (i got no car here!!), my new gym (yep, i joined a gym here, so sue me!), er, did i say my cool flat, where i have been making magic? :-P Oh yeah, and my new french grammar book, the one i am reading for my upcoming online course.

So yeah, i will be taking two french courses next quarter, hehe. Kidding you i am not! This is me next quarter: teaching one course, taking two, directing a grant, being an advisor, co-directing another grant, and all that other stuff that go with my job, committee work and shit like that. Yep, overloading again. On top of that my sponsor here asked me if he can buy me out (of my teaching duties so i can continue the research during fall). Yikes! I said no of course. Seriously i feel kinda sick if i am not communicating math on a regular basis.

We are a crazy bunch, math profs!

Oh look at the time, i gotta get going, someone will soon be home...

Like in the song ...(i didn't know it existed until mister 25 claimed it as our song!)

...My baby takes the morning train
He works from nine till five and then
He takes another home again
To find me waitin' for him...

Où est l'encre?

Je lui ai donné une carte blanche.

Oui, je suis d'accord.

Et maintenant?

Je veux écrire sur ça.

Ah, est-ce que vous avez un stylo?

Oui, c'est moi.

Et l'encre?

Non, je n'ai pas d'encre.

Pas encore.

:-)

C'est mon anniversaire!!!

Il y a beaucoup de fleurs dans ma chambre...des roses, des maguets, des margueites...et des ballons...

mr jones is making me dinner :-P

er... i am getting all excited just watching him julienne red bell peppers, slice and dice tomatillos et des poulets... oh so focused. The best part is knowing that he never prepared this entree before...

Luckily he can't see me, sitting here and smiling to myself, his back is turned toward me...

yumm, melikes the view!

Oh behave! you naughty girl!