Savez vous?

Let's say you think that you do not want something.

But then, when you don't get it, you start feeling this little hole in your heart...a little hole where unbeknownst to you a space was saved for that thing you thought you did not want...

And it spans and spans, mocking you with screaming silence, tearing through your conviction, vaporising your confusions with wrath only truth can match, until your heart is completely hollow.

What does that tell you? Really? That perhaps you wanted it in the first place...? Perhaps?

Dear, dear!

What an interesting game i am watching!

:-(

I don't believe this! Not MJ...

:-(

Why did it have to be him? Not fair.

Not fair at all.

La mienne toujours

Aviez-vous raison? Et j'avais tort? Ah, comme toujours!

Il n'y a pas de nous? C'était seulement moi?

Oui, c'était seulement toi. Comme toujours.

C'est ton destin.

Tsk-tsk, ne peins pas ton tableau avec des coleurs empruntées, chère amie...

Alors, comme vous m'avez dit, c'est mon destin!

Tu sais?

Life's but a fleeting fancy. Alors, c'est une maîtresse evasive!

Now death, that's the destiny inevitable.

Yes, i know.

Nevertheless, life, she deserves the respect so long as we are courting her. Live short or live long, not in your hands. Living fully, for whatever span you're allowed, now that's your call.

You know what i mean?

Arrêtes

Elle s'est perdue.

Si oui!

The weather is being really freaky.

It's called June gloom, silly!

But jacaranda trees are being so pretty, busy towering over others with lush cascading branches, tall trunks and abundant violet petals. That makes up for almost all the gloom we are getting!

The year is thiiiiis close to being over. Few tasks remain before i leave for mr jones' city in July, but of course i am seeing him before that. Il y a seulement un jour jusqu'a je le voie! Mmmm...wednesday, here we come!

Going to a beautiful island resort, in like a week, luckily the volcanoes there are dormant, hehe, unlike the island i presented in my french class. It would be nice to see though golden angry lava rushing to the cool pacific ocean mingling with deep water to create more of island. En tout état de cause, my companion, the recent graduate is already preparing a crazy itinerary of things pour moi to do. Huh! All i want to do is lay around, soak up the nature, swim and perhaps learn to hula! Alors, c'est une bonne idée!

Then over the summer i will be perusing my next french course on my own, and come fall i will be all ready for the next one! Yay! Say hello to the third year student! Also, i am teaching a whole new course so that needs some looks, je pense. That and the research. Followed by my yearly sojourn to the faraway land. Yep, i am all set for the next three months!

Not to mention two whole months of mr jones, oh yeah baby!

Hmm. Does it bother me that most of the world is not on our side? I dunno. It's unfortunate, but not unusual for people to not comprehend a nontraditional make-up such as ours. Makes us that much more special, don't you think?

Nous sommes seules quoi donc
Il n'y a pas de peine, ni peur
Rien ne au-delà de nos portées
Si j'ai toi mon amour...

Afternoon lull

The first blossoms have appeared on my duranta vine. Does that mean summer is here?

I am supposed to grade/study today, comme un(e) professeur/étudiante responsable, but i am planning to take a cat nap je pense, parce que i am completely wiped out after that early morning step class!

Had our first viva voce yesterday, for which i had to wake myself up early (again!) sigh...anyway, i sat in the back and pretty much observed everyone except when i asked questions or took pictures of the board-work. Funny, how people always expect things to work out. The candidate taking the comps made sure each of his solution fit into the problem posed, rather conscientiously, as if he wanted every problem to have a solution. So when he came upon one which didn't, he stood there very puzzled checking every step, driving me crazy so much so that after 15 min i couldn't help but lose my poker-face and say "Would you please read the question again?" which clearly said, do the decomposition bla bla... if possible. Aha!

In mathematics we often concern ourselves with existence and uniqueness of a solution. That is to say, we go in knowing there may or may not be a solution to every problem. Yet we find ourselves turning the board upside down when it doesn't. C'est pourquoi? I think i know that answer to that but now is not the right time for that somber discourse.

Anyway, something uber funny happened after the candidate left and when we were grading his exam. It made us laugh so hard that i was still laughing thinking about it, when i drove back home two hours later...hehe, something i shouldn't be saying here, sorry.

Had the girls' night out from 6-11pm, ending with a yumm nightcap of watermelon juice, sadly no scotch, cause i had to drive back home and even one drink makes me lose it. Yep, just ask anyone who ever had to drag me home after one drink, i am quite an infra dig in that respect, but whatever! As usual, we checked out what was going on with everyone, one bought a house, the other made that all-important visit to her bf's parents (say what? what parents? her bf is like 60! ooh i am so mean!), and the third was relieved to find out that her daughter was going to prom with a boy (not a girl, ah there's a story there but i can't divulge). As for me, people wanted to see mr jones' pic, had some on my phone from the island trip, so guess what, they actually said that he looked older than me... hahahaha, hmm! Well, you'd laugh too if you knew what i knew! Yumm...mon vingt-cinq is all man if i may say so!

So after a weird vegetarian-non-veg dinner where the vegis took the appearance/taste/smell of non-veg (or NOT!), four math profs went for their massage en masse, SATC style. To my horror i found they were all men, so i promptly demanded a woman, as did our youngest colleague. Dunno what up with the older colleagues, i might have a few guesses though (ooh! being mean again!). :-P Luckily they were able to call in some subs. Phew! As i said before, i do not like to be touched or hugged by just any people, and definitely not by men i do not care for! Eeek!

Anyway, it was an experience. That's all i can say before my eyes close...

A tout à l'heure, chers amis!

Here we are

It rained today. After a really long time.

When i got out of french class, the concrete had on a fresh coat of rain, the pathways were strewn with blue velvet from jacaranda trees, few drops of rain still lingered around the metal structures.

It was the last day of the A-year. Of course there is the exam week, to that add the upcoming comprehensive exam which i am chairing, year-end paperwork such as reports to be written and responsibilities to be handed over to summer alternates. One would feel obligated not to relax. But i felt pensive, and let my mind wander. Must have been the rain.

Truth be told, i come here primarily to talk to myself. Haven't been here though for some time, not sure what that means.

So tell me, how am i doing?

Mr. jones was visiting me during the memorial day weekend. His first time here. We had a tiff the night before, which made me cry and him paranoid thinking i was gonna break up with him or some. Well, i gave him bit of a reason i guess, when he called a few times and i didn't pick up. Anyway, we made up, and it was a blast as usual. I took him to an island, we almost missed the ferry because of the mean person at the counter, but the girl at the dock let us on, and by the end of the day i proved to mr jones that for every mean bloak you encounter, there exist four nice ones. Hehe.

Once on the island, we pretend sailed in our petit bateau, sat by the beach watching people and analysing the shoes, :-P (mr jones made me toss my heels, i can't believe, making me a whole foot shorter than him!), playing soccer with a runaway ball that was dancing on the wave, and driving around the island for hours in a golf cart. Mmmm...t'was a golden day. The wind was chilly when we got back on the ferry and he kept piling up jackets on me, hmm, sometimes he just treats me like a baby! Oh, and as the ferry started sailing out came this silver lining along a grey cloud on a golden sky. People ooh-ed, a rush ensued, cameras clicked, videos rolled, but i just sat comme une chatte contente leaning on his shoulder, oblivious of this rare natural phenomenon.

We didn't get to go dancing this time, guess whose fault it was! Ummhmm...i was almost all dressed up, and then...oh oops...hush, you silly! :-P Anyway, i did get a sweet buzz on my way back home that night, but mr jones wanted to discuss future, twenty years from now! Eek that kinda killed my buzz! He did let me in on his plan of sailing around the world and eventually moving to Spain. Well, even though i was TUI, i encouraged him to fulfill his dreams. (Later, me and my sis had a good laugh imagining myself as a blithering Passepartout to mr jones' precise Fogg, foiling his pristine plan with my trademark free wheeling ...hahahaha).

Shh, we also found out that neither of us likes to drive, what's more, mr jones actually called me a nonchalant driver! Hmph! Well, be that as it may, (nonchalant, moi? LOL) being the older of the two, i held my tongue, and gulped the adjective down.

Well, c'est tout!

Not really.

Mr jones broke down right before leaving, goodbyes were getting to be increasingly tough, he said. And when i came back from the airport and saw his empty closet, i could no longer hold it together either.

I have never been here. Dunno where we are going. Pas vraiment.

Beautiful journey though. Wouldn't trade it for the world.