Happy

When sun lingered to kiss the dusk goodbye
A sigh rose and filled the sky.

Un jeu du hassard

Je me sens comme si je joue un match.

Et en même temps, je me regarde jouant.

Sigh

I am dead tired. But the quarter is almost over. Just the exam week is left! Ah oui! Today's good news was that i was able to change the direction of a 2-1 vote of the comps committee thereby changing the grade of a student from C to B. Which is a big deal, cause you know, well it's the comps! Which decides whether or not one shall get that degree. I am glad that i successfully argued my case and changed the mind of the veteran member based solely on logic.

Yay! For me and the student whom i know not.

Mr. jones is in such a mood, and i know not why.

Restless

I am swamped with work, so many things to wrap up before the quarter ends tomorrow, but my heart is not in it tonight. Je ne sais pas pourquoi.

I feel so tied down. Somehow i don't think it's the amount of work. Nope, it's not about work at all! Hmm. I have been feeling lost for a few days.

Let's just babble about something, anything, so i can take my mind off of it, shall we?

It's true that i am a woman of few words, unless i am high for some reason. :-P Because of that and perhaps the weight and tone of my voice when i finally speak, contribute to people branding me as somewhat of a snob. It's unfair, but hey, whatcha gonna do? Anyway, by now i am used to it, and have accepted it as my perceived version. Unless you say it to my face.

So yeah, we were writing our evaluations in french class and prof has left, so there was a sort of discussion going on, with girl L asking me for my phone number; as according to L, i am one très bonne étudiante, and she wanted me to be her study buddy (well, how would she know i never ever study in groups! eek, i am a loner that way). I hem and haw somewhat but we end up exchanging numbers. Well, then L asks me if i had a ph.d., and i reply in affirmative. After the usual exclamation (wow, you don't look old enough to have a ph.d.!) comes her next question, what will i be teaching and if she can take it. Given her creative writing major and the fact that i never get to teach lower division courses anymore, i politely tell her c'est pas possible, parce que je n'enseigne plus tels cours.

The boy who was so far quietly (glumly rather) seating with his leg up the table (#$@!!) turns and asks me 'So, what do you like to teach?'. I tell him, 'well, usually i teach linear algebra and numerical analysis these days but i pretty much dig any course, although i really enjoyed teaching multi-variable calculus'. I don't know why but this makes him rather agitated and he goes off on a rant about how 3-d is so much worse and unrealistic than 2-d (hello, look around, do most anything in this room look 2-d to you?); that it was kooky and that he felt he wasted his time in that class where he could have better spent his time taking sociology! WTF! Who cares!

Anyway, another discussion ensues on the usability of degrees and i kinda stop listening and concentrate on writing some comments for my prof (in french). I didn't know how to say knowledgeable (ironic, eh?) so i ask, 'hey does anyone know etc etc.'. This is followed by a chorus of wow, are you writing it in french? Um, yeah, it's french dude! While girl M opens her lil dictionary (hmm, how come everyone has one, and i don't!) and tries to offer the word, the boy goes, "why do you have to be such a perfectionist?" I ignore his comment cause i am too unsaturated to be a perfectionist. But he does not stop! "All you want is your A". Whoa? L'audace! To this i take offense so i blurt out, "You don't know what i want! A's are not what i want, A's are what i get."

After this we wrap our evaluations and M asks me where she can drop the evaluations. I say follow me as i was going that way. The boy asks M if she can advise her on something they previously talked about and M tells him to walk with us.

B: But i don't want her to hear it tho, walk slow, so she cannot hear.
I: (Ah, hello, i am right here!)
M: Why, she can offer you another perspective.
B: No, she is a conservative.
I: (nice! perceived version count n+1)
M: What are you talking about, she is so not conservative! She knows all those poems, even the ones i didn't know anything about.
B: Well, i am not so sure. I still think she is conservative.
I: (So bite me, you foolish boy!)
M: No no, she even wanted to try, you know, that day you came to class high, she asked me 'what's wrong with him' and i said you were high, so she was like, 'how does that feel, i wanna try'...

I was walking a little ahead of them, but i could hear them very well. At this point i hear a jubilant "Oh yeah?" Next moment he puts his arm around me "Oh please let me, let me take your mental virginity away! Hang with me, and soon you will be teaching poetry, you'll see!"

LOL. I give up! Only a 21 can have the courage to put their thoughts out there like that! I must say, i have to allow him some sort of point for effort!

Whatdya say, folks?

Wow, that's enough babble, i gotta get back to those comps. Ciao, a tutti!

Craig, Daniel Craig

Finally, this friday i saw it.

I love those making me sit at the edge of my seat actions. But just actions, no matter how numerous or how fantastic they are, can never, ever, make up for a lacking story line. Granted, it was more like a footnote to Casino Royale, just enough to answer a pre-posed question, with a restless 007 on a reckless rampage, but still, Nom de bleu!

That said, i am happy to have seen it. After all, it's Mr. Craig in the entirety of his steely glory. The clothes, the chases, the stance, the swagger, the stare, the sneer, the despair, the longing, down to that elaborate martini, all six of them. And no, no Ashton Martin was required. Really.

I like Mr. Craig and i cannot lie.

C'est quelqu'un

As i took my half-asleep hunt to the fridge last night, in search of some chocolate milk, i checked on ma fille comme d'habitude, and found her sound asleep on three stacks of pillows (as usual!). After removing two stacks (as usual), i returned to my room, glass of milk in hand, to the cosy invitation of my comfortable bed. It was 2:30am. Almost immediately i remembered another, one who probably still didn't make it home after closing shop at 2. Someone who is sticking it out for love in ways immeasurable.

Sigh. I wish you all the luck my dear. And if it ever comes down to fate choosing between the two of us, i hope the crown goes to you. In all sincerity.

Salut!

Bonsoir, tout le monde! Everyone alive and well? Me, i was buried under layers and layers of work, and i am just starting to come up for air. Haha, maybe i am just making it up! Maybe i am just having too much fun somewhere else. C'est possible!

Ok, silly girl, get a grip! Let's talk about the Open House last saturday. D'accord. It was fun in general. Crazy chem students burning chrysanthemums with liquid nitrogen or checking your temp with laser thingi from a distance, throngs after throngs of wide-eyed kids and entering freshmen eyeing my paper-plate fractal structures and asking how they can be made, billowing smoke from nearby burning forest covering the clear sky and causing breathing problem, wait, that one was not fun! There were four of us young profs (ok, ok, young looking, who doesn't know by the time you get your ph.d. and the job, you have kissed your twenties good-bye) and one master's student in his sixties. Invariably, all incoming questions were directed to the student. Sadly, he had beard and baldness, and we didn't. Ah, perceptions!

But mostly two things stood out. As i was chit-chatting with visitors at my booth, in came a low-talker. They do exist! Indeed i was beside myself, thinking "Wow, it is quite possible that none of those Seinfeld characters were invented!" As she spoke to me going from audible phrases to what amounted to barely lip movements, i was about to nudge my young colleague (fellow member of Dude Club) but couldn't do so without being conspicuous. But later on, we were like, "wow!".

The second one was just a realization. After spending 4 hours with my said colleague, manning our booth, discussing his escapades (he sees naked strangers on a bi-weekly basis, LOL, it's like a riddle, can you tell who they are?), and mine (how one deceptively demure Leo took on the big boys' club and gave them a taste of her wrath), i said to myself, wait a minute, he is the perfect candidate to be my man-friend! Playful, artistic, joke-ster, a connoisseur of the art of cooking. Well, truth is i did find more people like him, but every person of similar wave-length that i find, usually end up wanting to be more than my friend; like my recent plane-friend, par exemple. Which is a bloody shame, if you ask me. But somehow i think this one will stick. Yay!

I will have to admit though, when the friendship that i cherished most morphed into us (mr jones and moi) i was not the least bit sad...it was a dream come true...is still like a dream, ah oui, nous avons de la chance.

Hmm, i think i had other stuff to say, but i can't remember. I am in such a pondering mood. Thinking of my square-root, :-P sorry, private joke!

Hmm

Watching a very interesting interview with Michael Rosenblum on C-SPAN.

Getting crazy ideas!

Yep!

Dots in my life are connected. I like it like that.

His are not. That's the way he likes it.

Not in our hands. That's the way fate likes it.

(Had a great open house, but too sleepy to tell you about it.)

De rien

Mr jones seems to think i write rather well. On the rare occasions when i write to him. His exact words were, "It's like a poem, but in prose". To what avail, i wonder. Why do we write when we do write, anyway?

Sometimes i write to convey a message, or analyse a situation, which usually hit bulls-eyes. I am very good at that. ;) Sometimes i write to tug at heart-strings, which can only work si vous n'êtes pas sans coeur, no offense. Sometimes i write to find solace. And sometimes i just babble to let my thought bubbles rise.

Hard to tell which one it is tonight.

LOL. I just discovered another kind. I write when i can't sleep. Funny, haha. Not funny! I should be sleeping so i can wake up early to make that open house tomorrow. But i made the mistake of falling asleep at 9pm and here i am! Well, i was tired after a day of non-stop work and that gruelling routine at gym! :(

Without further ado, here are some unsleepy babble pour vous.

I just realized i was MIA for a whole week! Blogwise. Primarily because i am trying to ditch this virtual world and spend my time in the real world. Doing real things, You know, like in the old-fashioned way. It is hard to get a hit on my frequency, but you can't blame a girl for trying, can ya? :-P Jokes aside, i had a crazy busy week. Mr jones appeared on my radar twice and as usual end result was big fight. Sigh. I think i am getting kinda old for that.

French test was goooood...i scored 95%...whoa! No, seriously, i was so focused on the partie orale and composition that i kind of breezed through the grammar part. Which means overlooking some 's' here and there! Eeek, someone should be less cocky with her grammatical prowess, i guess and actually double check the work. A small consolation is that my prof told the prof who came to evaluate her (on wednesday) that i was her best student. And how do i know this? The said evaluator happens to be my very close friend! Imagine my surprise to find her sitting in my french class. Yeah, it was kinda awkward, i tell you!

That reminds me, the boy again came and sat right beside me. He is so breaking the one blank seat between every two persons rule. This is a class of 5 with 35 available chairs! On top of that he chided me for looking backward (at other students) when prof asked us to pair up to discuss something. "You know you don't have to look that far away, i am right here." Ah, that's precisely why! I was rescued by a third student joining the group thus unpairing us. Or was i?

Hmm, maybe i should just talk to him instead and make a friend out of him. Oui, c'est une bonne idée!

Still unsleepy. Sing me a lullaby?

Purgatory

Unsleepy. It means being too close to sleep without actually being able to sleep.

Bleugh!

C'est dommage

Waiting to exist. In what realm? Waiting to be defined. Under what transformation?

Pensive.

Spent 4 hours grading midterms at the coffee shop. Still not done, unbelievable! I do grade fast but then the boredom of repetition kinda kills me for equal or more amount of time. I would say more. I just go blank and stare at nothing, or at babies if there are any. They always stare at me too and smile. Yesterday i was waiting for my class at Y and a tiny tot came running to me and gave me his drawing. Aww...je pense que i am a babe-magnet, LOL.

If only, oh if only the world were just full of them! No hurt, no pain, just hope and wonder. No mind-games, no facades, no fear, no shame, just truth. How do such innocent babies grow up to be such complex adults, truly i know not.

Transformation, i guess.

Nevertheless, don't give up, Orpheus.

Mon président et mon petit ami

After passing a few days in happy stupor, as we are all entitled to, i am back. Thank you America (well, 52% of you!), you have restored my faith in your ability to make an intelligent choice. Coming of age in grand style, aren't we?

I wonder if people are looking at him differently, now that he has earned the coveted rank. I hear that some are. Those who branded his international exposure as lack of American-ness, or called his promises mere sound-bites are doing double-takes. Nothing in my mind has changed though. I am still in love with the President-elect the same way, the said love being a mélange of adulation, respect, faith, and a fierce loyalty. I mean how else can one look at the magnanimous Lion, you tell me? :-P Besides, the first man to take my (vote) virginity deserves that much, n'est-ce pas? LOL, sorry, just remembering a similar unabashed confession (of mr jones) in reference to Mister President, "the first man to make me feel so excited about a man!" Oh mr jones, you are such a doll! :-*:-*:-*

Ok, gushing aside, i am very excited about his journey and ours. Can't contain it within...ahhhh. We have victory party tomorrow, so i am looking forward to that.

Other than that, things have been generally good with moi. I believe i aced that french midterm, although, hmm, if prof ends up selecting my essay to read aloud, i will blush to death! It's a red-blooded (true-blue?) description of mon âme sœur! Eeek, hope she uses her judgement and leaves mine alone!

My grant got funded again despite the economic slump that eliminated the said funding for most other such proposals, i was told. I guess another victory dance is in order. That is if i am left with any energy after doing justice to all my roles. I was secretly hoping that we don't get it. Oh well!

I did do something fun though, as recent as today; spent this morning learning a new song. For a performance. There's some pressure in the sense that it's a toughy with the pitch playing peek-a-boo with the scale and beat having a mind of its own. But, j'aime les paroles, :-P...i will pretend that i am singing it to mr jones! Here's an effort at a translation...

Wake up, O lost-in-love, the time is here, to be
the serenade for the hearts two, a salute to their desire
waiting for you at the door

A fairy but waits wrapped in dew-drops of your memory
blooming wet with the first touch of morning spring
somewhere she waits

For sweet mercy, turn away from the dream
leave nights spent, behind, behind
for night and day, my love
are now to be held in the gaze of the beloved...

Yikes, think i butchered it, maybe it's better translated in french!

Here he comes!

YES! Oh yes! and yes and yes!!!

The journey only begins now. Watch us march.

Maintenant

Watching results unfold.

Wishing i were in Grant Park, Chicago.

Enfin

Election day.

Excited? Very.

Two people i know will be casting their maiden votes. Ce sont m. jones et moi.

It's 5:30pm and dark already. Day-light saving end day is always confusing.

Sorry about my last post, i was acting out. Against a certain someone. Hmm.

Unfortunately no work or study was done as i received several calls from friends and relatives leading to several chats, national and international. Then sundays are often like that. Playing catch-up. On the bright side, i did take that solitary walk on the said quaint street. It was nice. I saw sun going down and trading its bright rays for the vanilla sky. Throngs of kids coming back from the park and chanting "vote no on prop 8" followed by some funny comments (ah, sweet innocence!) and the nudging of one another. A lone man sitting at a crossing with the exact sign, sans chanting. Cars passing by, some honking, some not.

Prop 8 is probably the proposition attracting most attention here in the golden state. My quaint yet expensive neighborhood is plastered with "No on Prop 8", and i am yet to see a "yes". I will be frank and admit that i was not quite sure how to vote on that one. It was a non-issue for me. Marriage makes no sense anyway, was my thought. But as a certain someone made me see, it's not for me to decide on their behalf. The choice should be theirs who want to get married. So i will be voting No come Tuesday.

Ok. I am sorry but i can't do this! I can't be all brave and indifferent. I tried for the last few days. Not working! So i will go ahead and say it. I love him, and i always will. Is that too bad? Maybe! I am sorry. Not in my hand. No man shall ever take his place, no one can ever come close. Not because of my bias toward him, but because of my bias toward what he stands for. He may be young in calendar years, but count that integrity, intellect, empathy and add on that intensity, and you will be hard-pressed to come up with a man like that. So those of you trying to make me forget him can shut up now!

There you have it mr. jones. Can you stop me from moving on, but with you?

Quantum of Solace

The dark clouds are gone, but left behind an ambiance. A cloud-touched sun. A mountain buried under bubbles of white cotton. Almost liquid air nimble enough to caress you. Thinking of a walk along the quaint street not too far from here.

I wonder if that's sad. Maybe. But so are our sweetest songs. So bite me!

Am i busy? Yes, i am busy studying. And then i will work on some of my students' recos and some proposals and evaluations. But so bloody what! Better to fill the void with productivity than anything else, ahem, i mean anyone below par.

Ooh! But i definitely know what's/who's not. Two hours of Daniel Craig next Friday. Yeah baby, the wait is almost over!

Oui, il a fait

Qu'est-ce qui se passe aujourd'hui?

You tell me love.

Il a plu sur nos villes.

Yay!

Oh, it's finally raining! After 1.5 days of waiting!

I gotta go out. Now! Dont worry, i won't dance in the rain...but i will be dancing in my mind!