Seriously?

Sigh.

Had the yearly retreat today. Usual stuff, you know, like strategic plans, mission and vision statements, shit like that. Overlooking the mountainside with breathtaking view on a gorgeous day. Quel perte de temps! I am perpetually amazed by how much we discuss and that how little of action it actually translates into.

Anyway, what probably disappointed me more was that people were so completely ignorant of cultural icons who left a legacy of work. During the 'identify your colleague' session my identity while was correctly matched with the Q&A piece i had provided (Q: Who is my fav dancer/musician? A: MJ), most didn't know what MJ stood for. Some thought it meant Michael Jordan and expressed due surprise, 'Oh i didn't know he could dance!' Um, reason much?

In mathematics we often utilise the same variable to represent different entities depending on the context. A rather simple example - the letter y could mean the function y = f(x) or the functional value (y-coordinate of a point (x, y)) which might throw some naive students off, but we are trained to weave the content symbol in and out of context with the same dexterity with which Hélio Castroneves changes form from a race-track to a ballroom floor. Well, maybe not that suave, lol, who am i kidding, but yeah.

Then my question is that why would we, the trained mathematicians, fail to apply the same rational thought process when we shift to non-mathematical territory? What's worse that there we were, the same folks, lamenting away the fact that how most of our students were not cognizant thinkers.

Maybe i am just offended that people don't know my fav performer, and i am the one being not rational about my expectation, or perhaps that they are just musically inept, seriously, what do i care!

Just late night ranting i guess...

Have you ever

He loved her before he met her. You know, like the song...only, he didn't know.

Seulement elle était au courant.

Have you ever broken a stallion? Felt its tremendous revolting, gyrating thrusts to throw you every which way imaginable? Fighting you back with fierce and blind force, sheer animal force that sends spirals of despair along your spine and make you wanna give up?

You can almost smell the stench of defeat and you wish you could quit. Except that you know what's coming next...

But not before he tries one last time, rising up all the way in a final act of rebellion, pushing you to your limit, crushing your physical existence, making you gasp before a spine-numbing fall...

Almost.

But if you didn't give up, not in the face of a thousand threats, if you tried to understand what lies beneath the magnificent facade that so attracts you, you are close. Close to make him see his mind in the mirror of yours.

And then he is yours. Just like that. In all his glory. He knows only you can truly understand.

For you, my dears, are two of a kind.

So then my love, bend down a bit, steady yourself, oh yeah and catch that angle, you are about to embark upon the ride of your life!

Comme ça

Il a fait noir... lentement, comme mon état d'espirit.

Ce qui me rende triste?

Peut-être j'étudierai pour mon examen de français, j'éspere qu'il m'apaisera, mais je ne suis pas certaine.

Des talons hauts

Yesterday, i put on my heels at 7 am. It was 10pm when i took them off.

It was the commencement day. This time i didn't have to don my regalia, neither did i hood the students or walk the line in cap and gown, but in a way it was more mine than when i walked as a student or a faculty.

It was a day full of walking on heels, sans insignes, in tow with the crowd and the cool breeze. A multitude of ceremonies, speeches and receptions, leis and bouquets, parents and grandparents. Two squishy babies happily drooling on their dads' shoulders, campus police patrolling on futuristic two-wheelers, one lone girl immersed in her story book forgetting the surroundings.

I always look forward to the commencement address. Often i find something in there to carry with me. Yesterday was no expectation. In addition, it was rather amusing. Who woulda thunk? The actor politician can actually speak and hold my attention for an hour. Hmm! He offered six rules of success to the graduates, illustrating each one with his life's experiences. Trust yourself, break rules, ignore naysayers, don't be afraid to fail, work like hell and give back. Good job, Dr. S., :-P i think you summed it up rather well and i loved the fact you have a pretty decent sense of humor and not afraid to make fun of yourself. The accent of course was the cherry on top. Hehe.

I went to two satellite ceremonies, each followed by a reception. English and Film. It never ceases to amaze me how colleges can drastically mismatch in resources, within the same university. While the extremely well-endowed Film school held its ceremony at the prestigious S-auditorium, quoique sans le tapis rouge, but with great pomp nevertheless, Arts and Letters had it in a hangar on the field. Sigh.

All in all, it was a good day. One to hold onto. Even though my heels pinched me numb at times, i am glad that i did not take them off throughout this journey.

All twenty-two years of it.

Bonsoir!

Comment allez vous, chers amis? Missed me?

Alas, no blogging is being done, you know what that means, :-P mr jones has taken over my evenings, not that i am complaining! Anyway, my brain's a bit blank with all the happiness, and who doesn't know our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts...so yeah.

Quarter is winding down, soon to reach a full halt with the entrance of summer. My french is going very well, know almost all tenses now, yay! At times i feel like the auxlliary prof in class, explaining to my fellow classmates the subtle nuances of grammar. Hmm, come to think of it, opening my mouth has never been a problem for me, since i became a teen...hahahaha dunno what happened there!

Bon, c'est tout! Soyez-sage, jusqu'à je retourne!

La rivière souterraine

This one goes to my mom.

Parents are expected to love all their children an equal amount, whether they do or not, that's another matter. Children on the other hand can pick favorites and often do. Rarely have i found a child that does not care for one parent a tad more than the other. Perhaps it's the charisma that parent exudes, or the respect they draw, or that you just plain identify with them. I am no exception. I have always maintained the view that i am my father's daughter.

Like my dad i pursued math and chose his profession, even though i excelled in literature, perhaps more so. Like him, i voiced my opinions without fearing the repercussions and decided diplomacy was for the ones lacking spunk. Like him my energy flowed boisterous and boundless, any inkling of weakness was shrugged aside as unnecessary appendage.

Did i ever want to be like my mom?

I will not deny that she loved us, but sometimes concrete needs trump the abstract ones. You want your parents to stay still so you can grow. My mom never cared for the so-called duties that a mother adheres to, keeping the house tidy, or cooking delicious dishes, parading her children in nice clothes or attending school events. She would rather read and write in a journal she kept or help us do our homework. As a child it drove me insane. I did not understand her. I did not try. Even though she gave up her job to raise the five of us, and remained a homemaker for the rest of her life, she never lost the agony of not pursuing what she loved. She stood on that threshold of eternal want.

She was a literature major. And now she is the biggest supporter of my love affair with french, always asking questions about my new discoveries and accomplishments. Soft-spoken, afraid of confrontation, sometimes it seemed like she was the child who needed to be taken care of. Growing up, i did not appreciate that. And i held her accountable for my dad's deteriorating health, i thought she ought to have taken better care of him. I even thought that she didn't care for him.

I was wrong. She just didn't know how to show it. She went to pieces after he was gone.

When i called her today, she asked me for an unusual gift, but that was not unlike her. For me to sing a whole song. A song that my dad loved to hear me sing. And i did. Over the phone. She thanked me in the end, and said she closed her eyes and felt dad was sitting beside her listening to me sing.

Some threads are strong, visible and recognized. Some just run underneath. Nevertheless, they both define who we are.

This and that

Spent my day doing just that. And this. Not quite in the Seinfeld style though, or wait, lemme check quickly, yep, did have that and now this, so yeah two for two! LOL

Seriously, spent most of my day calling phone companies, first cell, then land. Damn sales reps played me like doubles' shuttlecock for over an hour, sending me four ways from billing to fraud to unknown to accounting. Anyway, less i talk about it is better for my temper.

On the good front, i could somewhat relax now as the conference is behind me, along with all the nightmares of planning and hosting it. Oh yeah, got news today, i am about to reel in the big fish, aka, new NSF grant! Yep! So let's see, basically i am signing up for another five years of slavery. Hmph! But i don't care, this one will benefit my students big time. In addition, the next promotion will be pretty much in my bag, since it's a major major grant. (pat, pat)

Also, planning my summer research activities, guess where, :-P in mr jones' city! Aha! Shh...don't tell anyone! Contacted a colleague and it's a go, the collaboration. I mean, c'mon, who can refuse me, seriously? ;;)

Looking forward to making and grading comprehensive exams next^4 weekend. Say what? Grading? Looking forward? Whoa? Since when? Um, i need some math man, the need is dire, i tell you...i am choking without it, and i will take anything, including grading! Interesting question from one student, he wants to create his own notations, as you know the icky truncation error analysis can consume page after page, i gave him an ok, how innovative!

Got some flowers today, two days early :-P for a job well done. Hahahaha. Well done, indeed. If i may say so myself.

Congratulations to me!

:-P

Just in time

Have you ever broken something in futile protest? Longed to hear the object hit a wall and smash itself into tiny fragments of its once full self, obliterating its meaningless objective existence? I am not someone who breaks things easily, but there are times when the a-curve nears the v-asymptote and when it does, watch out! For there's only one steepness it travels to reach that peak.

Vertical.

Last night i wanted to break my phone. As i picked it up with the intention of hurling it across the room, as far as my anger would allow me, i saw a hazy glimpse of its little green body from the corner of my teared up eyes, and i remembered that i loved my green gecko.

I checked myself just in time.

But my mind paced, refusing to let my tired body settle for sleep. For the rest of the night i teetered on the edge of a feeling more complex than anger and frustration.

Jeudi

Conference day.

Focus, Missy!

Ah, in a bit...let me float a little while longer up in my cloud, please?

Damn, i miss him too much!

Sigh.

We're in trouble.

La tache aveugle

L: Hey there girl friend, we meet again!

R: Merde! C'est toi! Must we do this now? I am kinda drunk, come back later.

L: Hmm. I must congratulate you though of doing a swell job of holding it altogether.

R: Eh, je ne sais pas de quoi tu parles.

L: LOL, oh you know perfectly well what i am talking about. Your last post.

R: Mon week-end? Il n y a pas de problème, mon amie. C'était très bon, comme une rose, tu n'as pas lu cela?

L: Indeed. I am here for the thorn...

R: Qu'est ce qu'il y a? Tu es ivre aussi comme moi? De quelle épine parles tu maintenant?

L: Sigh. I speak of roses and thorns. Rose, my dear. La fleur à que tu as comparé ton week-end. Pourquoi c'était comme une rose? N'est la jonquille, ni le lys, ni l le lilas, mais la rose. C'est pourquoi?

R: Mon Dieu! Tu es toute folle! Leave me be, L. Just leave me alone. Je suis heureuse, tu ne peux pas voir ça?

L: Sigh. Yes, i do see that. Trust me, i do.

L: Perhaps you don't need me. Perhaps you will make it.

R: Merci. Je l'apprécie.

L: Bon courage donc. Je m'en vais maintenant.

Comme une rose

I had a beautiful weekend, comme une rose.

Granted, i would probably have reached faster by car, my plane was uber late and completely full, people were grumpy and children were grumpier, sky was gloomy and it was raining, but none of those mattered when i got off the escalator and saw him walking toward me.

Every time is like the first time.

Je ne savais pas que c'était possible.

And then i was in his place. Pour le premier fois. Il a dit que j'étais la première fille à orner son lit! Ce qui je peux dire mon ami, good things come to those who wait. :-P

That night the kitchen lost her virginity, and mr jones learned how to make coleslaw, i accidentally landed a cool drink that i shall name pommesky, and even though i didn't get carried over the threshold :-P, i got something that was more fun, a piggyback ride from the bed to the kitchen, ah, two of my fav places!

Sometimes i think, left to our own devices, we are just like a couple of kids. Like the time when mr jones got chided in the artsy hopping high H-district for carrying my purse (in his defense it was a rather manly purse!) and wearing designer clothes. The moment we were out of their eye-shot we burst out giggling comme d'adolescents, ah, seulement ils sont qui montrent telle joie de vivre!

Quelquefois quand nous touchons tellement
L'honnêteté devient trop pour supporter
Et je dois fermer mes yeux et me cacher...

Split

Something is disturbing me and i know not what to do with it.

I am in for a crazy work week, perhaps i can drown my thought in that. For now.

La reine dit

Bonjour, tout le monde!

Tout va bien?

Well, i am off to see mr jones...mon petit roi et son royaume...

:-P ...i would like to hum a song, but i might miss my plane! So later, dears!