An apparition

She didn't feel like moving. Her bare arm lay still on the sprawling velvet couch creating a rather striking contrast of honey and violet. Tiny beads of sweat began to appear on the cool glass of upside down machiato. She watched them grow in bemused disdain. Any time now, she told herself, i will pick up the glass and stir my caramel up. Just not yet.

Her eyes shifted their gaze, this time on the man behind the laptop. A half smile tickled her mouth as she wondered if it were a mac. Her eyes twinkled mischievously in secret affirmation. The man in Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts and rainbow slippers was busily lost somewhere in his screen. Perhaps if i blink, she thought, it will turn into an old pc that might as well be used as a paperweight. And if i blink twice, his clothes will change into a white t-shirt, a pair of blue jeans and sneakers. How silly am i, she pondered. She couldn't but stop herself from wondering if a triple blink will change the man.

All of a sudden she moved her arm and reached for the cool touch of her drink. Swirls of golden caramel rushed up to mingle with ice chips that she hastily crunched in her mouth. Her right hand went through her hair unknowingly, tousling, playing, resting finally on the back of her neck. She closed her eyes in momentary bliss.

That was when she saw him. Behind the glass.

He was watching her all this time. Fingers clasped in customary triangle, his gaze held steady on her, penetrating the lens, as a slight pensive smile lingered on his lips. She jarred and shifted her weight to the other leg. I should at least be getting up, she thought. Then she changed her mind.

It's his glass wall after all, she thought, i can't break it for him. I can't break it, for it really doesn't exist for me, it will just be futile. In a singsong tone she consoled herself as if a mother soothing her child. i better just sit here and sip my drink.

Ice chips were beginning to melt in the glass. Ruefully.

What can i say

It was an interesting week. Don't ask me why though. I am somewhat lost at this moment.

Let's recount. Thursday's visit to farmer's market was, how shall i say this, fruitful. Me and my new found friend C took a stroll along the market streets that smelled like a concoction of sweet strawberries and charcoal smoke. Children ran abound, performers crooned and adults perused organic produce like there was no tomorrow. I met a veteran lady vendor of the market. Fida. She told me that the name was Iranian. Fida, complete submission. Nice name. Hmm, can i say then, i am fida on you, mr jones? lol. We spoke french, in fact she was tri-lingual. Je pense que i will go back next week, for fresh strawberries and french with Fida.

Saturday i spent at the beach. The whole day. Il a fait très beau.

I spent quite some time trying to convert C into a football fan. I needed a fellow watcher. Primarily her objection was why oh why are there so few goals in a match of 90 minutes or more. Huh! Um, cause it's like, hard! It's a real ball game for one, where you let your legs work the ball, not lame stuff like using hands or bat or any such toys! lol, i am this close to draw a parallel to sex, but well, let's just say real men play football. Yep, it's tough, tough, tough to strike. But when you do, it's often spectacular. Breathtakingly so, oh it's just too bloody beautiful! So yeah. Loss is yours, love.

Having said that, i would have preferred one more goal though (2-0) for today, i dunno why. There were some close misses by Sergio Ramos and Iniesta, and that cross, ah poor Senna, i really feel sorry for him. Nonetheless, a victory is a victory. So Viva España ! That was a long wait, so celebrate away! Wow! To think i wasn't even born the last time Spain won it!

Sigh. Why? Eh, i dunno, but feels like someone just punched the wind right out of me. Sorry, it just does.

Gasp!

Euro half time gasp break:

So sudden, so unpredictable, so willed. Amen!

And if he had to do the same again, he would, my friend, Fernando...Yes! Oh yes! Outmuscle the Germans baby! You rock! Love you, love you, love you!

Um, don't frown, love you more mr jones, always :-P And keeping my fingers crossed for your team...although i was miffed at them at first for beating my team in pk...

Candle burns

Hmm...i forgot what i came here to say. Sleepy.

I made a new friend today and ended up talking for 2 hours straight and now my jaw hurts from all the lack of practise. Tomorrow we go to a farmer's market and un petit magasin français. Looking forward to all that fresh vegetables. Je pense. LOL.

No, that's not what it is. If my eyes could speak, you would have known.

Feeling invisible. Indeed i am.

Wow!

I just came here to exclaim. What a great turn of the game, Go Lahm! Momentum and precision perfected right there. Take me home in style baby!

Eh, i dunno about tomorrow's game. Spain might pull a repeater, but we shall see. Too bad i have go to a meeting and won't see the last 30 min live. Boo-hoo.

Any time

Ah, some movies are such guilty pleasures, bless their simple hearts. What would we do without the Mel Gibsons, Bruce Willises and Matthew Brodericks of the world? Three films you can feed me every few years, "Frerris Bueller's Day Off", "What a Woman Want", and "Die Hard". Fun, frolic and fury served just right. Je dis!

The day felt longer than it really was. Perhaps it was the long drive in the sun to the city by the beach and doing paperwork i so hate. The high point was when i was told i have the option of choosing the paint for my new office. I almost got goosebumps! Now that's what i call progress, people! So tomorrow i will be paint-hunting. Supposedly a work order takes a quarter to complete à ma université. So i figure if put in the order tomorrow, maybe it will be ready just in time for next quarter when i make my move. Just maybe.

That reminds me of my weird dream from last night. There was a really young me in my dream, about to be married off to someone i did not know, in the old fashioned way. My toenails were supposed to be painted red, and i kept looking everywhere for that polish. In doing so i met many people, one of them i remembered being my future mother-in-law. She touches my chin and says "My, you look so young! Beside you i would be looking like a grandma!" and she plants a kiss on my cheek. As i was trying to decide if i liked her, i notice we were sitting on the edge of a bed. In the middle sat a little girl. Playing with my red polish! I gasped! The bottle stood almost empty. She even put in some some purple color in, and it was all messed up. I started to cry. I really didn't want to get married. But i really did want to paint my nails red! This is when i wake up. Huh!

LOL.

Anyway, thanks Mr. Gibson. You made my night.

Comme moi elle attend

Someone is pensive tonight.

Spent the rest of my day reading my book of short stories.

People often tell me that they dream with their guards on, lest they be let down. Eh, a pragmatic dream? Are there such things? There is something to be said about waiting for your dream to come true. And while doing so, by all means do raise your hope. As high as you want. Wish upon the shooting star. Want with all your might the golden deer that evaporates right before your eyes.

His sparkling gait peters out
Out of my sight
Far away into the forest of my dreams
Catch him i cannot
For my eyes are dazzled by his golden dust

"Now it is a funny thing about life" said S. Maugham. "If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it". I like that idea. I can wait a lifetime for a moment.

Comme moi elle est. Eurydice. Elle attend, en espérant en dépit de tout, contre tout espoir. The nymph who fell in love, and was thus banished into the house of death. One chance was all she had. You know the story. Orpheus, his exquisite refrain was but in vain. And she was forever frozen à la porte bleue. In eternal wait.

But if you listen closely, you can hear her. In the hushed silence of the poignant night, when children sleep deep in the laps of their mothers and earth heaves a weighed sigh.

Come back, Orpheus. Come get me. I have been waiting for you. Pick up your flute. Drown the world, drown the sky, drown the earth. Play once more. And then.

Go Nuts!

I thought i would go for a blog-break in between preparing my slides for a conference talk tomorrow and writing des lettres de recommandation.

About that, i must confess that i always find it hard to write these letters unless i really want to :-P. Like one of these letters is for one of my recent top students, a student that graced our dept. as well as the Summa Cum Laude list and all profs dote on him equally. Funny how the good students are also the most modest ones, par exemple, he emails..."Dear Dr. X, would you do me the honor of writing me...". I am like, "Oh, hell ya, i will do you the honor", lol. Ahem, of course what i wrote instead was a rather subdued "It will be my pleasure, student Y".

haha.

Anywho, i am happy to report that the heat wave is somewhat thwarted and the prediction for today's high is 90 degrees F. I am using fans to keep cool, as well as 4 helpings of fruits and nuts. Currenly i am on walnut & strawberry, watermelon, grapes and cherries. Did i tell you that i am nuts about nuts? haha, if you ever wondered about the secret of my fountain of youth, it just could be them nuts. Seriously, i gotta have 'em nuts, and fruits and chocolates and whipping creams and ice creams... What's life without a little indulgence, eh? Mais actuellement ces noix sont très bonnes pour garder sa santé. Check out this nutty report http://health.msn.com/nutrition/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100205362&page=1 if you don't believe me!

Oh man, i miss mr. jones...ok, calm down silly girl. Go take a cold shower, lol!

June 22nd

Today's big news is Spain lifted the age old curse of June 22nd and went into the semi-final (de la Coupe d'Europe des Nations 2008) by winning the pk round. Ain't no fair man! I am sure people could hear my "nooooooooooooooo" from afar as the Spanish goalie saved the last shot. Oh well, he is a good-lookin fella and i forgive him! But to have no Italy in the final four! C'est dommage!

Power and prejudice II redux

Okay, i am back...i couldn't help but turn the ac on, even though i know mr jones the environmentalist will be on my case for the said exploit, but seriously, it was either that or a really long shower or a drive to school to hide in the cool library, any one of which could portray me as a usurper. So yeah.

Back to my sets of the oppressed, W, B, C, oppressed women, oppressed black men and unborn children, aka lives aborted. The question is who are the real victims here. I will base my decision on three indicators, The Power (such as black mens' ability to vote etc.) held by the set (variable P), um... not to confuse with the mathematical term power of a set, The Prejudice (such as women getting paid less for doing the same amount of job for the prejudice that they are not the providers etc.) against the set (variable p) and lastly The Cardinality of the set (variable n). All as derivatives with respect to the time (variable t).

LOL. Please note that positive derivatives are good signs for variables P and negative is a good sign for p as well as n. It's a simple goal to see which set has the least increasing power, are the most prejudiced against as time goes by and sports the fastest growing population. The real victims. Seriously dude, this way my decision is a fast one, i tell you!

C is the obvious winner.

(The derivatives were deleted for two reasons. 1) Blogger is messing up the derivatives as typed and i have no idea why. 2) I ran this by a literature major who strongly suggested a redux en anglais including certain clarifications)

As for further explanation, you have to wait. Cause i gotta get ready for a soiree in a town 40 miles south. Darn! Sun goes down at 8pm, can we still call it a soiree?

Ciao, à ce soir, mon ami!

Power and prejudice I

It is still a mighty humid morning at 66 degrees F, and the prediction is for that to reach 104 degrees later in the day. So before me and my comp both heat up and reach that stupor again, I decided to make good on my desire to discuss the three oppressed sets as per my June 8 blog entry. The spark was ignited the poet's commencement speech and the Green River Killer docudrama i watched the same day. However, i must admit that i have been thinking of these groups for a very long time now, trying to decide on who are the real victims. The women, The black men and the unborn children.

Before i proceed, here's a little background for you:

The poet's commencement speech: He addressed the plights of the second two groups, implicitly imploring our graduates to do right by both. I found it interesting that he singled out black men of the two available genders. In fact he quoted a haiku to that effect which i unfortunately forgot (see mr jones, my memory is not quite you praise it to be! :) Un bizou pour toi!). Indeed his speech was rather a union of poems, haikus and blank verses interlinked with some personal tit-bits.

Green River Killer: When Ridgway was asked if he had any regrets about the 71 murders he committed, he teared up, and said, 'Yes, I was not perfect. I left trails and evidence.' In other words he did not do justice to his so-called 'career'. (I find these utterings interesting and will come back to it later). He received 48 life sentences with no possibility of parole. He was also sentenced to an additional 10 years per 48 victims for evidence tampering, adding 480 years to his 48 life sentences. Gary Ridgway was the infamous Green river Killer who eluded justice for 20 some years. His victims were either prostitutes or teenage runaways, or can be grouped as female destitutes in most cases.

Darn, i forgot that i have to do something, so will be back later to finish what i started, hopefully.

L'été est ici

Today we had Summer Solstice and officially ushered the season with a befitting temperature of 111 degrees Fahrenheit. Man! I am taking it easy, like Mr. Dude. Just kinda lying around on ma rug in a stupor with a book or two (er, sorry to disappoint, no acid, lol) until the heat wave passes. In other words being the lazy bum that i promised to myself. Luckily, so far no one came to steal my rug.

My book of short stories didn't have any work of S Fitzgerald (l'audace!) so i put one in, in the name of love, for mr jones. The curious case of benjamin button. Indeed i found it to be rather intriguing. Definitely merits a deeper discussion. Haha, i am my own book club, except when i discuss it with a certain history major :). Later on i found that it was being made into a movie.

Zut alors! I don't like good reads being turned into bad movies. You have to admit it's always a risk if fallen in the wrong hands.

Yawn, j'ai sommeil, je pense que je me couche maintenant, c'est-à-dire si je peux!

Oh, Denis Leary on Letterman, forget bed, But bye blog.

Sins of our fathers

The more he fell for her, the stronger he cast her aside. But she knew why. And she only loved him more for that.

Don't you dare pay for what is not your sin! She wanted to scream. But the two-headed boy could only see her lips move. For he went back to his glass jar. So she gulped and sang him a little tune instead.

Two-headed boy
All floating in glass
The sun it has passed
Now it's blacker than black
I can hear as you tap on your jar
I am listening to hear where you are
I am listening to hear where you are

But one day, she thought, she will take him under that Christmas tree in snow. Yes, she will wait. To watch the spirals of white softly flow over their eyelids, until the point when they both let go.

I got you papa

I take that back.

I was tired, and i was sad. I had a tough day. I didn't mean it. You are not a picture, you will never be a picture.

You are here as much as i am. I look inward and there you are, deep in my heart, smiling, assuring me that you are okay, that you are home. Telling me that you are with your mom. Whom you lost as a child, and whom i know you missed every day since. You tell me that you are at peace, like in the little song you made up.

Where else is it to be found?
The final peace.
But in a child's abundant slumber in the lap of his mother.

And don't you worry about me papa. I look outward and there you are, in my passion for math, my indefatigable drive to see it loved. In my defiance against the authority to stand up for my beliefs. In my insatiable curiosity for knowledge and truth. Even in that quizzical half-smile half-smirk of mine. I got you, papa. You walk with me.

And I am glad i could make you happy. I am glad that i could give you the little or nothings you asked for yourself and the big things that you asked for me. I am forever blessed for that.

Sleep then, weary child. You walked a path long and hard. Let my tears wash your tired feet. You left your blanket behind, the one you always asked for. Let my love wrap you with no less warmth. Until i see you again.

Blank

Sooner or later, everyone turns into a picture.

I really have nothing to say. Empty of thoughts.

Ex nihilo nihil fit

Between the two of my recent hobbies, studying french and blogging, the latter gets to be the winner tonight. As a reminder to myself i also added a SPCB badge. Ain't it cool?

Yesterday was Friday the 13th, that, and to abide by our usual ritual of watching the movies on the opening days, I went to see "The Happening" avec ma fille. There was a pretty long line at 1:20pm (!!) but i was suave enough to use the machine and reached in time for the good stuff. The trailers! I saw three that I want to put on la liste de films pour regarder, The traitor, The one with Daniel Craig (I was busy drooling so missed the name), and Lakeview Terrace. I find the topic of the last movie to be quite a twist on the perceived racism, en plus SL Jackson is so bloody funny that he makes any performance worth watching!

Okay, that brings us to the movie of the day. It could have been brilliant, the idea was there (what better way to annihilate your opponent than by awakening in him the desire of self-destruction), but i think MNS has lost his touch. It was an existential crisis with a blurred vision and I felt like Descartes should have been summoned to save the day. Dubito, ergo cogito. Think, MNS, think. To sum up, there were numerous logical holes, super bad casting of main characters, and bad ending.

Let's see how i would change it around. I would cast John Leguizmo as the main character and give Zooey Deschanel the time off. Ah, forever! lol. Unless she miraculously grows some acting chops, she would not be allowed back. John's few but poignant appearances were doubtlessly the best moments in the film. Mark with his everyday man persona can be used as the math teacher instead. I will also put logic back and keep suspense less cheesy; haven't quite figured out how though, lol. And at any cost the twist must be brought back, as i came to consider that as the best part of a MNS film, as it is for a short story of Maupassant. Sorry MNS, can't feed us Mac and Cheese after you gave us a gourmet experience like Sixth Sense! (No offence, but i don't do MC)

I have been kinda down (sick) the last few days, but my spirit was on 9th cloud. Needless to say, i was high on mr. jones. :) And at the cost of causing L's wrath, (for the reek of the ick-factor) i would say this...

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth
Or childhood...

I must have done something good.

To deserve you.

Yay!

I think i found an interesting pursuit for this summer. In addition to studying french of course. Thank god the stupid tenure is behind me and i can do whatever i want, well most of the time! I intend to read up on a certain area of logic that intrigued me for quite some time. Kurt Gödel's Incompleteness Theorems and related work. I have no formal training in logic, but then i am a curious cat, and i like theorems (so bite me!). We shall see. I am familiar with Kant's work, which might be helpful to set the tone.

I must admit, i may have an ulterior motive. I am curious to find out if any of his insights would apply to the way human thoughts are structured. But i am going in with an open mind. Plus i always had a crush on the guy, hehe, in my world that alone is a huge motivation to read him up.

But of course i will abide by the dude too, whenever i am not studying logic or french that is.

Sigh. Only mr. jones knows why.

shhhhhh...

I shall be quiet now. No more noise for me. Lay me down, easy.

I was running toward you.

Doesn't matter now.

Vous vous fiez à votre raison d'être?

L is up and in full analytical mode. Damn, this happens whenever i talk to one of my gfs about mr jones. I don't like it a bit for it is summer after all and in any case i would much rather be incognizant and blissful, which i was until this afternoon. Sigh.

Why must you do this to me? Granted, you are my friend and you look out for me. I thank you for that. But please, don't ask me for reason for i can't give you any. And, why ask for reason, intention? I don't ask you for your reason to believe in god. What's his intention for you, eh? You haven't met him either. But you love him with all your heart! He hardly ever has your back yet you kneel down every night and pray to him. For every horrendous thing that happens around you, (supposedly all his handiwork) do you ask him for an explanation? No. You say "God must have his reasons" and just accept! You go around talking to people about how great he is! I get it. You want them to see him as you do. Finally, you can't wait to be with him when the time comes. Tell me what have i done that is any different than what you do for your beloved god?

Indeed you should understand me very well. So please be on my side. I am new at this, can't you see that i am trying? I am trying to let go of reason. Help me. Tell me it will be alright. Tell me he is wonderful and that you are happy for us. Not me, us. Be my voice of hope. Hope, not reason.

And if i may ever be proved wrong in bestowing my faith in my love...know that i shall still be true. Devastated, broken, shattered in pieces but true nonetheless.

I shall be true to my reason to be. Love.

Who am i tonight

I was gonna write something deep, lol, something that was triggered by the poet's commencement speech as well as the green river killer docudrama i watched last night; about oppression and three victim sets, but seemingly I have lost that train of thought.

Hmm.

Instead let's muse on the eight shades of a woman in love, and figure out which color i am close to tonight. Even though a nayika (heroine) can be classified into 360 fine shades based on the particular combination of rasas (emotions) she expresses, mainly there are 8 shades for all practical purposes (such as keeping me less dizzy!) from what i remember from my Sanskrit studies.

(1) the Abhisarika
yumm, my fav one, she is on her way to meet her beloved, nothing dares stand in her path, husband, in-laws or dark stormy night.

(2) the Basak Sajika
All decked up, painstakingly so, for many hours and waiting for her beloved, pototi pototre bicholito-potre shonkito bhabodupojanom...a sound of mere leaf drop seems like his footstep and raises her hope.

(3) the Utkanthita
The distressed; every waking moment is consumed with the thought of her beloved.

(4) the Bipralabdha
Ah, the pensive heroine; the deepest shade and also the inspiration to many poems.

(5) the Khandita
The jilted, oh boy, you bad bad man, get ready for some serious thorn-pricks, can anyone say SATC! (um, movie version)

(6) the Kalhantarita
The after fight heroine, yumm again, rage followed by pangs of yearning, gearing up for great make-up sex.

(7) the Proshitbhatrika
The lonely wife missing her husband; eek, i have no idea, this is anticlimactic.

(8) the Swadhinbhatrika
The assured one; whose beloved is completely enamored by her. Object of every woman's envy.

Ok, i found my shade, but won't tell ya! Guess away, while i go for some Häagen-Dazs. :)

A demain

Five hours of sun did not do me good today, neither did getting stuck in serpentine traffic exiting the university, i feel kinda sick and dizzy, still...but i liked the poet's speech and seeing my students all dressed up and gleeful in their accomplishments was worth the sun. Catch me tomorrow and i might sing a different song. Ah non!

"Hello"

Fortune cookie said (yesterday) "your keen sense of humor will bring you many friends" lol...

I am gearing up for a busy summer, je pense. Garnering funds for the university via grants will be a primary task...bleugh. Although i am looking forward to creating a new STEM degree that the grants want. Let's see, summer is my off quarter but i will be working on three grants, three articles, en plus the existing grant, eh what about my summer à la dude that i promised myself? I better ask for a raise. I will do that today.

Oh! on the interesting side, i was given permission to study french3 on my own and enroll in 200 level french in fall. So yay! Just as a recap, we did get our madeleines which in my opinion were nicely shaped non-guey brownies with sweet crust. Even though my own average went down to 97% our class made that benchmark 85% so prof had to bake! I am all psyched, i think i will start studying next week! lol, geek much? Um, it's french, dude. Can't call me a geek!

By the way...

It's gonna be a beautiful day, just cause :-P. If i may borrow some lines to show how i feel...it's a translation of a 1200 AD poem ... um, word for word translation, cause i wanted to remain true to the poem (which captured my feelings so true)

The night ended with me lucking out
When i saw the face of my beloved
It all made sense, my life and my youth
Not a speckle of doubt in sight.

Tsk-tsk

Ah, the frenzied media snooping around Clinton household fruitlessly trying to get a hand on what's on Obama's mind...

tsk-tsk...

Use the mind's eye, folks.

River rocks

Trickle down river rocks
Down the slope lonely slope
Broken slope bright slope
Trickle down river rocks
Up the highs down the lows

Trickle down river rocks
Down to the riverbed's
Missing stream frozen sand
Shiny sand warped sand
To each drop its own grain

Melt melt river rocks
Be the stream touch the sand
Raise the bed river rocks
Lay the sand gently on
To each grain its own drop

Trickle down river rocks
Breaking slope raising bed
Salty drop salty sand
Salt to sand sand to drop
Drop to rain rain to stream

Rushing stream flowing sand
River rocks you are home.

Here he comes

Part my dear ocean, here he comes...

Three cheers for Obama...hip hip hooray!!!

Cause i got high

Ooh, I learned lots of new stuff today, including dept scandals (an old-timer's candid recounting at a retirement party) but no time to blog at length...

At least the comps are out of my way, yay! Today i found out that i was actually a rather lenient grader whereas my mellow colleague was not so much. Mais actuellement ça dépend. What can i say, i go easy on the ones who's got a handle on the big pic, but tough on the ones who can regurgitate steps but fail to explain the meanings attached to them. But i love the ones who can do both part and whole, :-P bien sûr! Yep, so just one A this time.

En plus, interesting DNA-based conjectures surfaced that might have social repercussions, needs a closer look, but as i said, no time to babble...

Not much sleep last night (what's new?), but i feel kinda high...oh well, at least if i fall asleep and miss the french exam tomorrow, je peux chanter Afroman...

"I was gonna go to class before I got high
I could'a cheated and I could'a passed but I got high
I'm takin it next semester and I know why(why man)"

Hmm. I find the second line interesting, why would he say that? Well, i will leave it for later analysis.

As for me...i gotta go now...

"Ima stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
And if I don't sell one copy, I'll know why
Cause I'm high
Cause I'm high
Cause I'm high
la la da da da da la da da da shoobe do be do wa skibitty do da da da la get jiggy with it scubbydooby wa..."

I will admit though, being high (on drug) is an experience not on my déjà fait list. Can you tell? Muahahahaha...

Wandering bark

Je pense que i am heading for a crash-landing...my brain doesn't work, perhaps some short circuit due to lack of sleep and no such lack of work. Can't grade comps, can't study french...en plus feeling dizzy, so instead j'ai cuit au four des croissants et cuisiné mon dîneur!

That didn't help! Obviously. Wish i had tomorrow off, but got meetings and such.

L: Oh please, just hold it together for two more days, and then crash away to your heart's desire.
R: Perhaps i can declare a cerebral bankruptcy, eh? Think anyone would buy it?
L: OK, that's it! Time to stop babbling R, i know you made your bed today, but this is getting out of hand!
R: LOL, ces mains votres sont assez courtes, mon ami L! Catch me first my dear.

"It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool...

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved. "

Amen, dear bard...keep me afloat.

And yes

A bright sunny day with a breeze like cool silk, eh, what more can a gal ask for? I am looking out my balcony, and hmm... i think my bleeding heart vine is about to bloom, so is the duranta! Wish i could give them a wall to lean on and thrive; and a ground to spread their roots around. Pity, the wall is borrowed and the planters don't run deep enough. Ah, my flowers, don't lose faith in me, i'll do right by you. Some day.

Some day.

For now, i have my nose buried in mon livre de français. This morning i studied for two hours and i only have one chapter down. I think i still am suffering from that hang-over. To attain a balance between the body and mind i then cleaned up my apartment. Eeek! I forgot that i have to remind myself of all the countries of the world and their genders, along with all the clothes and their genders, all the food items and their genders, all the body parts and their genders and all the ailments and their genders. Man! Hopefully i will remember my own gender after this!Good thing i am good with spellings and verbs. There's a structure there. But the damn gender assignments follow no logic! Here's one for you, une chemise (a man's shirt) is of feminine gender and un chemisier (a woman's blouse) is of gender masculine. Reason much?

Ah, the sweet reign of reason.

Those of you who know me, (most recently my french prof, lol...who would often ask me to have patience until i reach some 400-500 level course in the distant future to find the reason i was looking for in the very present) you also know that lack of reason does not sit well with me. Besides, patience, i always thought, was a virtue for men, lol! And what's faith really, but patient trust in absence of reason. Ahhh! How does one wait? I needed these reasons (if there is any!) like yesterday!

Ah, but i have let go of that reign. :) You don't believe me? I am waiting for a summer day in 2010. Just cause someone asked me to. Yes, i trust him. Yes, trust in the absence of reason. Yes and yes.

Faith. The ultimate level of trust. What begets that level of trust? The old me always pondered. But the answer was right there. Just that i couldn't hear my own thoughts over the noise of my thinking mind. And then one day, just like that, with the veil of logic lifted, truth stared right at me. It's the respect you have in the trusted one. I realized that i never chanced upon a man i could truly respect.

C'est jusqu'à ce que je l'ai rencontré...m. jones.