Une luciole dans la lanterne en verre

I have been avoiding you, my dear. I apologize. But you see, i had too much on my mind; muddled confused splinters of thoughts hitting me in every way possible. Depuis j'ai regardé ce film le samedi dernier.

Not like it was the first time i watched it. But it was the first time since mr. jones.

Sigh. Every doomed affair has a story to tell, and i call it doomed as that's what it is en les yeux de la société with the so-called obstacles like ours. It cannot go anywhere. It will predictably falter by stepping on its own shackles even before it learns how to take baby steps. Doomed, cursed, star-crossed tales, from the Shakespearean era to that of the Jack Twists and Ennis del Mars, ah, we face them aplenty, don't we?

Truth is that we create our own paths just by being who we are, insomuch as it becomes unfair to call the society or the star a co-creator. Je pense.

I guess i am disturbed and equally amazed by the reflections i saw in the film. Of us. Indeed since then i thought of many a stories i read and instantly knew my role. Hopeless dreamer, eternal optimist, unflinchingly unconflicted. Ah, how shamelessly me! One with my dream, and together we are invincible, and no, it's not a dream of a rosy future and all that, non, c'est rien comme la vie rouge, but to be one with the one. Opposite me, stands my destiny, ma raison d'être, guardedly hopeful, singularly focused yet eternally conflicted, ever tormented mr jones. Ah the pain of wanting something so much and not letting yourself have it! I guess i would never know what it takes to play his role.

But underneath that calm exterior of mine lies untamed current of many knots, oh so many knots, tying and untying me in fashions tumultuous until it consumes me. And i know with most certainty that i will be, and i am fighting my best to untangle. Treading currents i am, in my want to be one with him; currents unforgivable and dangerous. Dangerously unpredictable. Sometimes i choke and my confused lungs gasp for clarity and peace. At times, i can't take it any more, i want to give up - just drown and be done with.

Sigh. That is until i see his pain. Une luciole dans la lanterne en verre! And i pledge anew, My love, i shall live for thee.