Choreiboiti

The only way to get through life is to keep moving.

Don't let it keep you down. Laugh in the face of fate, at bad hands dealt and all predictable unpredictabilites.

But just for a moment, let me stand still, allow me a moment to collect myself.

Not today

There will come a day when the splinters will be a part of her unconscious existence. We shall call them memories.

Until then, there will be work, students, her origin and axes. Her escape. Blue mountains and tall trees. Look up, see how dwarfed your pain feels?

She had a bright scarf around her neck. What was she hiding? Who could she fool?

"Are you ok, professor?"
"Sure, why do you ask, Alex?"

Run you stupid fool! Run for cover, for rain is on its way.

She'll be safe once she enters the car...take the long crowded route home, there is no hurry, just be one with the car, following along in a dazed stupor. No mind, no thought, no thought, no pain.

Last night

I finished the book i was reading.

Now i would just like to be left alone.

Turning point?

Gloomy day, no sun in sight.

Wasted one hour researching replacement grant laptop since school's authorized reseller doesn't keep the thinner than air sony i chose (:-) and might i say got approved!). The reseller's database was huge but devoid of any sense of style. Come on, just cause i am a university faculty doesn't mean that i'd have to buy into your taste. Seriously, the guy tried to sell this new brillo-proof HPs to me, like when will i ever have the time to do that kind of damage to my laptop?!! So yeah, in the end i have decided to argue my case and buy the one i chose in the first place and get reimbursed, i am certain that i shall win. Trust you me!

Have quite a few recos to write, in addition have evaluaions to do. Damn, and mountains of grant-related shit (i dunno why co-PIs exist cause they really do nothing in my experience so far). Not looking forward to the first batch of task, hmm...suffices to say these are not my star students. Although i try to accentuate the positive qualities in each one, it is not in my hand to turn the day into night.

Sigh.

L: Hey there girl-friend, a penny for your thought? Qu'en pensez-vous?
R: De rien.

L: Aww, you could tell me.
R: Je demande la vérité, even if it's not what i want it to be.

L: That's a fair expectation, so go ahead, figure it out, what's stopping you?
R: Il m'a dit que j'ai eu tort.

L: And do you believe him?
R: Non, la raison, il ne l'a pas.

L: I see. And you want me to be the judge?
R: Quel autre?

L: Alright. I suppose it's still about the p-trip. Or is it the cruise now?
R: Oui, principalement c'est le voyage, il m'a dit que c'était seulement pour les hommes, et les filles, c'était comme si elles n'etaient pas existées là. Mais je ne suis pas d'accord. Of course they were there. Je les ai vues avec mes yeux et en plus je les ai vues avec ses yeux. Il s'est amusé bien avec elles, bien sûr, quelle audace pour me dire autrement! Ben, je vous offre une petite exemple. Il m'a dit lui-même qu'une fille, elle était ses orielles pour la traduction, en ajoutant, that they "made a good team" And he dare tell me it was as if they were not there!

L: Mais oui, vous avez raison. One cannot enjoy something unless it exists for them. Eating a fruit from a tree is your admission that the tree bears fruit. Alors, il est encore jeune, mon amie, il ne comprend pas telle chose.
R: Help me then? Tell me what i should do.

L: Je suis désolée, i can only dispense judgement. La décision, c'est toute la vôtre!

Mute

Moon is like a tiny little sliver tonight. At least this week it's back in my sky.

My weekend started early and ended late. Mr. jones and i spent two of the four days in the beautiful beach town, a town where we were going to meet for the first time. Mieux tard que jamais, oui mon amie?

Tell me why then am i pensive tonight?

Ah, the cruise.

It was a cruise that followed the setting sun, led by its funny old captain - a veteran of sailing many a seas. As his voice got drowned in laughter and oohs and aahs, at sea lions passing by on a floating buoy or dolphins diving in and out of ocean water, champagne was poured into the glasses to reach the celebrating lips. Of groups - each a set sporting the exact same cardinality. The first prime number.

There were nothing but couples everywhere. If one came in matching tee-shirts complete with customized phrases, another were all dressed up as if they were on their way to some prom. Young, old, buoyant, shy, there were all kinds, celebrating the romantic notion, the fragile feeling of momentary oneness.

When the sun was about to set, and everyone was scurrying down to the bow to capture the golden beams of twilight as fragile as their togetherness, there appeared a boat at the horizon. Right by the setting sun. Three sails up. Picturesque.

Reminding me of the forgotten sail on ours.

Wrapped and tied around the boom there it remained, waiting patiently to let the wind free it of its fabric existence. Standing by the port side, i waited for the same freedom. It never came.

Then it was dark. The sail went to sleep in its anchored boat, tied to the boom, just like before. Nothing could touch it. Neither the waves, nor the wind, not even the collective exuberance of semi-drunk couples finding their steps in the moonless night.

I was quiet for the better part of the evening. I couldn't help it.

What was it that i wanted to paint?

There was no canvas.

For now

Guess who will be in town tomorrow, c'est mon petit ami!

I suppose we are still batting strong, en face des distances, oh yeah, we got distances of all kind, :-p, but geographical distance, yep, that's the killer one.

I wonder though what card will the age distance play. Eventually.

Mr jones. seems to think it's the one of the littlest importance, whereas mini me thinks the opposite. I don't know what i think, as i said when i am with him i am someone else. I feel like this little girl running after a butterfly, happy and carefree. Given my super young looks, we appear to be pretty much of the same age, lol ...actually sometime i come off as the younger of the two! Once i was trying to buy some little alcohol bottles from this downtown liquor shop, on our way to the movie theater, and the grumpy old man at the counter asked me my age. Handing him the money i said, "Don't worry i am old enough". His reply was, "I wouldn't worry if he was buying it instead of you, but i'd like to see your ID!" Mr. jones and i exchanged glances and broke down in laughter as soon as we left the shop.

Yep, i got angel face, and angels don't age, do they?

By the way, that reminds me of "The picture of Dorian Gray", a book i just finished. It deserves a post, definitely!

Now i do need to give my place some TLC, as well as feed me some lunch, so au revoir, mes amis, soyez-sages!

Read my lips

Would have been a super gloomy day what with pouring rain, freezing wind and mid-quarter blues, but i guess it was all worth it given what came next.

A beautiful rainbow that lit up the rain-kissed sky just before the sun went down.

An old student dropped by to pay respect to the old professorette (i have been teaching for almost 9 years now!!!) and brought me yummy goodies...mmm ...it was all good, but i liked the card better. It was a long letter of a card but the part i liked most was where he mentioned how my class gave him a solid prep for his MS studies, MMM...mais oui! C'est moi. I don't care if the majority flunk or cry murder on evaluations (some of them are downright funny though, e.g., a MS student complaining about having to study theories and proofs), i would never be the one to apologize for my standards. Math is an elite subject, and so it shall be treated. Make it work, or avidazen!

A PT faculty confided in me today that only 2 people in her 30+ class passed the mid-term which by the way she thought was ridiculously easy. Sigh, i wonder how many she will pass eventually, she has to get good evals to get her contract renewed. Ah, bloated grades, here we come! tsk-tsk, if this is not blackmail then what is?

Hmm, guess i am just irked by some students' low expectations of themselves, er, not to mention low abilities combined with consumer mentality toward knowledge. Keep it up and the next century will be in the hands of the up and coming non-US countries.

C'est quoi que je dit, ah oui, lisez-vous ma bouche!

Count 'em not

A year ago, on a rainy february friday i met mr. jones for the first time.

Le soir, c'etait tout magique...

If one is lucky, somewhere inside the adult self they retain the little boy or the girl they once used to be.

If one is really lucky, they chance upon the ones who can bring out that little boy or girl in them.

But if one is shamelessly lucky, they would also be the ones to return that favour to their person.

Nous avons toute de la chance...