Ne céde pas

Blue is the color of pain.

Hmm, dunno why i said that, i haven't been particularly sad lately. But there have been lives lost recently, and it was terrible to see the mother's grief... yes i know you cannot understand how this world goes on without her, and how your tears run out and you cry tearless in powerless protests. Let go, for it means nothing to her anymore. She is gone. It's just you, left to stand there forever, à la porte bleue...clutching your pain...

Digress, s'il te plaît...

I was without the Internet for two days, c'est incroyable! I really didn't care to fix it, just cause! But anyway, took me 1.5 hrs of troubleshooting on the phone and i finally have a decent connection, although unfortunately wired. Yep, the modem dude asked that i call the router dude if i wanted my wireless connection back, and i wasn't ready for another 1.5 hrs of 'trial and errors'! So i had to give up my usual kitchen table stakeout and my balcony view. But i am finally using my very appropriate bureau with its nice library lamp and ornate hutch! Hmph! I think i will call the router dude tomorrow cause all this tabular propriety is kinda suffocating my imagination!

Sigh. Mr jones, tu me manques beaucoup...oh hush, don't be a silly girl!

The last quarter of the a-year has started quietly comme un chuchotement forcé. French class was good as usual, we are upon subjonctifs (!) and watched a cool clip that held us captive past the bell. I got intrigued verb-wise and so today i checked out all 14 tenses in my 501 book, so expect me to deliver decent sentences in any tenses soon! Ummhmm! Je souhaite que tu croies-en mon éxperience!

My students supposedly missed me, hehe, they actually dropped by after class to express their disapointment of not seeing me as expected! Say what, did i not kill them enough last quarter, and they want more of me? :-P It made me a little sad cause i missed them too. Oh well, that's life i guess. You can't do it all, something's gotta give. Still, sad! I wish there were no such thing as grants so i could just live a quiet life perusing and pursuing knowledge, being a student, leading students, just hanging out by the aroma of knowldge brewing. Yep, c'est vrai, i am no good in your real world, fellas! I like knowledge for knowledge's sake. Pure, profound and simple. I am just happy to have known it, with no particular intention of ever putting it to use.

That reminds me, i finally finished "This side of Paradise"! I am a bit bruised as a result, it's a hard book to read, no destination, no structure, just words leading words into a weave of listlessness.

J'ai sommeil, so goodnight all and here's to all the hopeless listless dreamers, broken wishes and blue pain, truly, what will we be without you? And you my dear, you who adopt blue, be steady, my friend! Dance away the night to songs unwritten...and if the night is dark, let the stars be in your eyes...ne céde pas, ne céde pas, ne céde pas...

In today's broken promise, hold tomorrow close
Yesterday, never far.